March 8th, 2019

The Power to Create: Respond with Love

We have the power to create our lives. People are going to do what they do and we have the choice to react, do nothing, or respond with Love. My kids are my greatest teachers. They are going to act in ways that I do not approve of sometimes because that’s what kids do and they are still absorbing information, learning and finding their way, like all of us.

When I react with anger, their behavior doesn’t change and sometimes their behavior gets worse, my daughter gets sad and my son gets angry and I feel like a bad mom. When I do nothing, their behavior doesn’t change and sometimes it gets worse because they try harder to get my attention and they feel like I don’t care. When I respond with Love, their behavior sometimes improves and even if it doesn’t change, at least I feel good about myself and the way I responded and my kids will hopefully learn to respond with Love. This works in all of our relationships. It doesn’t matter what “they” do only what “I” do, because we can’t change, fix or control someone else.

When I get angry with my kids, I am not showing them that their behavior is wrong or teaching them why. I become a Monster to them because I am usually so loving.  My kids are going to be little monsters at times and sometimes I don’t like being around my son because of his behavior. He feels it when I feel that way, he feels like I don’t love him. When my son can not handle his feelings, he acts in inappropriate ways. Threats work in the moment, consequences don’t, neither are good because I know I have turned into Monster Mommy. When I respond with Love, he will hug me, let me hold him until he is calm, rock him back and forth like a baby, sing silly songs. Then my daughter wants to do it too and we have all just become silly, playful, in the moment, and our home is full of peace and love. The teaching and learning about why the behavior was wrong and what to do next time can happen now because we are all present.

How can we do this? How can we respond with Love? Reduce stress, work out, eat and drink healthy, get enough sleep, a lot of self care, get massages, go to yoga, take baths, take breaks, take vacations, take time to breathe. In the moment, breathe in through your nose like you are smelling a flower and breathe out through your mouth like you are blowing out a candle. When you feel angry, take a few deep breaths and pause. Keep Practicing the Pause before You respond with Love to Create a Peaceful Loving Home. Even when it is total chaos in your home,hopefully you can find a home inside yourself full of inner peace and Love.